The journey to Kailash is never easy to write. After all what is it that people go there for? Is it a tourist spot, a virgin land or a pilgrim?
Myths about its power abound and four religions- Bon, Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism bow to its sacred energy. For the Hindus it’s the home of Shiva, part of the holy trinity. Located in Tibet at the altitude of 17000 feet, the image of the mountain is of solid black rock covered with snow. The pilgrimage happens for only five months in year- desolation and cold temp combined with altitude makes it an inhospitable spot. Per the Indian belief system, one cannot even go there unless called. The call for Kailash came from an old school friend. I had but two days to think and decide. Needless to say, the decision was already made. I scampered to get the money in place and did the research. Kailash, laughed at my stupidity for one can Google the mountain but to experience it one must be ready.
With my beloved camera in my hand three set of batteries and three sets of clothes I set out for the land called Tibet to experience the world I had always longed for. Kathmandu the “Roof of the world” greeted me with greenery and the Himalayan Mountain range. It was a country with mixed lives, a life of sindoor, glass bangles, gods and goddesses, a place of wealth and poverty, beauty and the beast. The women young and beautiful men stocky, from saris to shorts, prostitutes to cocaine, all were a beat away.
We visited the famous Pashupathinath temple one of the jyotilangas of Shiva in Kathmandu. The temple was dirty yet the deity was beautiful. I have never seen 500 Shiva lingams at one place, the energy palpable but it was the fire burning in the vicinity which drew my attention. What is it about the fire which draws me is something I can never understand; perhaps it’s the ultimate symbol that we will all be just ashes in the end? I watched the fire heat consume by body and my mind. I bought one rudraskh mala and left for Themal to do the shopping.
The next morning started with the Satsang. A divine chant of Bharavi played in the background as we set out for Tibet, for to visit Shiva one must get Shakti’s blessing too. Diamox and duffel bag became our companion for the next twelve days. The mountains were green the valley lush and waterfalls and spring everywhere greeted our tired eyes filled with duty eyesores of the city. The friendship bridge finally arrived after 7 hours. The friendliness was evident as kids ran across the border and poverty hits you on the nostril as one saw old women carry heavy loads, young children looking after younger ones.
The first thing which hits you is the cold air as you enter into Tibet, the land overtaken by the Chinese but whose breath is still the breath or the universe. Everything can be taken away from us freedom, money, job, family, yet the spirit and breath is our own. Tibet resonated with its own beat. Perhaps the locals felt differently I would never know. We spend the first of the many nights in a pilgrim center.
We started for another long bus ride as the sun dotted the land. The landscape reminded one of the lost world, an unending vista of snow covered mountains, valleys, clouds, yaks, goats and few locals For the city bred it was a reminder of the universe as is. The colour blue was central to the landscape and its myriad shades assailed the senses. From cobalt to marine to grey to dark there was no colour untouched. Like the rainbow flowers appeared amidst the colourful rocks or in the valleys, yellow to ochre, green to white, violet to orange no colour was untouched. The landscape was a painter’s delight, a photographers dream and poets ecstasy. One just needed to be present to experience its magic. Day after day as one travels through this vast landscape one forgets one selves and time loses meanings.
While the mind was being inundated the body was uncomfortable throughout the trip. Complaints of headaches, nausea started along with the irritations on having to share your room with strangers, absence of water, toilet facilities, and bus driver’s attitude and so on. The rumbling would start each time we had to do an overnight stop. The doctor professional to the boot kept going. tired and weary they had no choice but to take care of the sick and the old. Travelling alone, I ended up most of the time with the doctors and their patients as companions.
We reached Mansarovar the legendry lake finally after three days in the bus. For the next two nights it was home. The lake simmers in the morning light, its length 54km and no one knows the depth. The air was bitingly cold and snow-coloured peaks and an odd bird were all that remained. The energy is palpable, and one only needs to tune in for second to know that. We took a dip in its holy water the next morning after paying obeisance to the gods. The cold water made my teeth chatter for hour’s afterworld. For the life of me I could not understand why I couldn’t have worn a swimsuit instead of being fully clothed to take the dip.
Why did it feel like that a long-lost part of me had finally come home when I saw mansarovar? I don’t know. Everyone says to take the dip in the holy lake washes your past away for me the past stood in front of me not washed away. Was I a Tibetan nomad or perhaps a yogi? The images came yet I wondered if my imagination was taking over yet a part of me knew it was not so I have lived in these parts before where, when only the universe know. As I sat by its shore alone the next day, tears sprang from my eye, words form in my month- words which I had not thought of. The lake listened to me quietly the wind whispered that the ebb and flow of energy would have carried me in the water if I was not careful. I could not thank the universe and satguru for making this journey possible. The biting cold air and my high blood BP ensured that I did not go near the water again. I told myself I need to conserve my energy else Kailash would not happen.
The morning sunlight broke through the tent and the mountain peaks whispered to their full glory. “Kailash” at last. The biting cold hit us again and we started on the trek slow and steady. The old and infirm decided on the pony and the others decided to walk. The entry was through the “Yama Dwar”. The temple of the “God of death “greeting us on our way in. In the olden days death was not unknown in these parts. Down jackets, warm inner layers and roads only started a few years back .The journey earlier was perhaps a pilgrim in its truest form we were the five start generation after all!
I saw Tibetans prostrate and go the entire 54 km, a back breaking journey. Old people came from faraway lands to circle the mountain. Per legends no on one can climb this mountain and mountaineering permits are not even given due to intense pressure for the four world religions.
What is about this mountain that the eastern world revers it for? I wondered again.
The Nepali guides walking with us had warned us to walk slowly and not compete the morning started easily enough. The first km are easy, the last five a test of faith. As the sun started setting, I was miles behind my fast paced group of walkers and ponies. My tired body longed to be rested and I just wanted to crawl to sleep, headache and nausea became intense. At some point I knew I would not make it easily enough. A quick check indicated that the pulse had dropped but the oxygen level was stable. I was advised to walk even slower was I walking gliding I don’t know. An old lady took pity and said walk with me and repeat the chant “shambu shiv shambu”. If not for her presence I would not have made it. I saw glimpses of the mountain as I walked and panic rose. I and finally made it to the destination. nauseated and sick. The doctors gave an injection an I slept.
The panic of yesterday had become a full-blown attack by morning. I tried to calm myself with every technique I knew. The doctors and my roommates watched perplexed. I realized I was afraid to see Kailash. Why? The mind played the past lives again. After a few hours I set out for the walk again. I reminded myself that one cannot come here unless called .The sight of kailash is something which picture cannot phantom. Camera can’t capture its essence no matter what lens and what the light may be. The mountain looks dark and foreboding yet is very kind and loving. Each one perceives it differently for some is the abode of the gods, for other energy, for some solid, and still others knowledge. Few can witness it forget deciphering it. For me it’s hard to explain to anyone what happened at Kailash for something’s are meant to be sacred, perhaps in time I will absorb all I was given. I spend the rest of the day its lap watching the sun go from golden too dark as dusk enveloped us.
Time to travel back to our old lives. We started again at dawn. I never looked back once the pact already made that I will return. When? Only Kailash decides. As I started back on the trek I was calm and contained. For vast stretches I had only the mountains, riverbeds, stones and water for company. Bliss comes when hears the gurgling water the purple flower amidst the manure. I savored all I could and boarded the bus to mansarovar. We met sathguru finally. Did he have a presence “Yes”, yet the drama on his entrance made me uneasy. I realized his job was to get me here and the rest was my own journey.
As we made our way back to Kathmandu the body vibrated, I knew I needed to rest to get my system aligned again. The last leg of my journey was to see dakshini kali on the outskirts of Kathmandu. I sat at the temple and watched the offering being made to the gods, the agarbati’s, the candle and the diya. I watched and watched and when I opened my eyes the cloth covering the devi was removed. This form of kali I have never seen before. Her face and body will haunt me for times to come. My head was spinning after half an hour in the place. I knew I needed to get my bearing back and rest for a while.
Coming home is a letdown. The city, the job, the people overwhelms you. People ask to have you changed. Did you see light? Did Shiva come? I am at a loss to explain this experience. My only advice it’s different for different people and one has to go there to seek our own experiences. For those that believe that the universe is not static but fluid kalash is right in front of me. I just need to be with it.
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