Over years as part of school and college groups, late night conversation with friends and in therapy I have heard phrases like "I wish I had someone to fill the silence with", "I wish I had someone to cherish me" ,"I wish my spouse would complete me" etc. People waiting for a happy ending. A Cinderella story, where a prince charming makes her complete or a princess who will be the answer to hidden prayer.
What will make us complete, whole, cherished etc however must first start from ourselves. A key task of any relationship is to look at ourselves deeply. How do we talk, hear, smell, or see ourselves? What do we pay attention to in our daily life? How present are we even to ourselves in our mind, body, and spirit? What are we afraid of and why? What have we disowned, denied to ourselves and why ?
A lot of times what we don’t want to look at can be due to a traumatic past, a painful aspect of our lives be it our bodies or relationship or an old pattern we cling to for validation and survival.
The fact is that unless we look at ourselves with gentleness and compassion and feel good no one else can do that for ourselves. Often people in tearing hurry to find love end up attracting someone who does not fulfil these demands leading to hurt and disappointment
Relationship counselling can help you dig deeper in loving yourself first
As Beeca Lee says
"And some days I forget, what it is to be gentle with myself - how to look at myself with kind eyes and speak to myself with soft words. Forget that I am my home and a temple worthy of worship."
Sign up for a session on loving yourself if what you are reading resonates with you at an elemental level. DM me
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